Once Upon a Time, I loved decorating for Christmas. The lights inside and outside, the ornaments, the garland, and the multiple decorated trees in the house (although my two trees were nothing compared to Mom’s thrree to five trees each year).

I found joy in that. Then it stopped.

I can’t pinpoint the exact time a decade ago that my feelings changed but I now realise it had everything to do with con-artist-husband-number-two throwing away ALL my belongings left in storage in Texas with him when we were separated and I went to Chicago to work (my intentions were to go back to Texas at some point to live).

Instead, he sent me divorce papers on my birthday. I opened the envelope, read the divorce petition, put the petition through the paper shredder, put the shredded pieces into a new envelope and mailed them back to him.

That pissed him off so badly; he threw away every stitch of my belongings. I could care less about my expensive London Fog raincoat, the children’s sleeping bags, or tonnes of other things I can’t even remember, but what I did care about that he threw away was all my Christmas ornaments, including my prized Southwest Airlines ornaments (I got a new one each year I worked there), my “Baby’s First Christmas” ornaments and my children’s homemade ornaments.

And that, children, is how the Grinch stole my Christmas.

Fast forward to this year, on December 21, I said, “No Christmas.” The very next day, I heard on the morning news that a particular nursery was giving away trees for free on a first-come, first-served basis. What?? I took that as a sign, especially when realising the nursery was just a 4-min drive from my house! What? God don’t play.

On top of that, my daughter, who loves, loves, loves Christmas like her grandma, called me just as I was heading to the nursery. She was putting in her request for when she arrived here on Christmas Eve. She asked if we could go to the Strip or somewhere to see some beautifully decorated trees because she hadn’t been seeing a lot of decorated places in her area in California and she assumed my place wouldn’t be decorated either, as usual.

Wow, the timing! I cannot make this stuff up. I didn’t tell her I was pulling into the nursery to get a tree as we spoke.

I thought there would be only scrappy little trees left but that nursery had tonnes of huge beautiful ones. I asked for their smallest tree (I know, I still have to work on my worthiness of receiving) and their smallest was a 7-foot Douglas Fir that I had them cut down to 6 feet.

The most popular, most fragrant Christmas tree, valued at $100 was mine for free! What? God is gracious and generous to me even when I don’t know how to be generous to myself. 

When I made the first step to stop my hopeless internal trauma party, by declaring so, God showed up to do the rest. We can choose to carry crap around for years and decades, or we can draw a line in the sand and say, “No Christmas!” You can continue to go to therapy session after therapy session without ever truly receiving the transformation the therapist is offering, or you can take their guidance and make a true declaration of love to self and get on the other side of that trauma within seconds!

Thank you, Forbes Riley for your amazing Breakthrough Program. It took only one time to be in that group and I’ve been breaking through $h!t for an entire year! Trauma I didn’t even know I had (like this Christmas joy issue). Thank you, for using your God-given gift to virtually help tens of thousands of people break through.

And I don’t take for granted the blessing I have of being with you in person on multiple occasions and being able to call you friend.

• A Tell / Facebook post / Terri Eileen Liggins