My late father used to say, “Every home should have two special rooms: one for misunderstanding, the other for reconciliation. If one or two of the rooms is permanently shut…someday in that house will collapse.”

There is no friendship, marriage and family that is perfect because it involves people with different personalities, opinions and emotions. If you see two people having a perfect relationship, check very well. One of them is being dragged on the nose like a puppet.

When there is misunderstanding, it is not always a sign that love has gone into thin air. But it a time to learn and also shift ground for others.

A home that only has a room for misunderstanding will become empty because pride and unforgiving attitude will become new house-owners.

Apologising or making room for reconciliation does mean you are weak. But you value that relationship and you are willing to build it with love despite challenges.

When forgiveness becomes a habit, that home will grow in peace.

So let misunderstanding be temporary and reconciliation has the upper hand in your home.

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Whether it is fictional or real, let me a share a story my late father told me when I was a teenager.

There was a woman in the neighbourhood who nagged the hubby every God’s given day.

If it didn’t happen in the morning, expect it at noon. If you were disappointed at noon, be certain it is going to take place at midnight.

She never disappointed those who waited to hear her usual ranting. Neighbours tried everything in their power to stop her but it was futile. If you insisted, she would enjoin you in the league of her husband. Once, she called the landlord “a woman wrapper”

It got so bad that the hubby asked her to pack her things and leave his house. She thought it was a joke until he made plans to bring another woman into the house. She didn’t ask the hubby for forgiveness, instead ran to a native doctor – Sangoma or Shikwekwe!

After the man heard all her complaints, he told her he had a solution so that her hubby will not bring another woman home.

“Come back after 24 hours”…he said.

Before the set time, she was there. The man gave her water in a bottle, said it had some special powers.

He said, “Anytime your hubby bring up that issue of marrying a new wife, put the water in your mouth, whatever he says, don’t spit it out. When your husband is calmed, swallow it. If you fail to observe this instruction, you will suffer the consequences”.

She did that for a week, even her hubby was scared. That was how nagging and quarrelling stopped. None of them dared raised their voice against each other.

I didn’t understand what my father meant until I grew up. Even if your emotions is fuming up like explosives, use silence to swallow it.

If you are the kind of woman that cannot control your tongue when your man is speaking, put water in your mouth and sit calm. It is not every word that you must have response.

Nagging does not solve any problem. Speak clearly, listen patiently and give another person the chance to respond.

A calm conversation can achieve what endless nagging never can.

• A Tell Media report / By Mfon Etina / The writer works at the University of Calabar, Nigeria a